Prep and Prayer

Doubt. Right where any venture into ministry should begin... right? Question everything. What's my plan? What's God's plan? Why am I doing this? Why should I be doing this? Can I do this? The last of these is what smacked me in the face this morning as a woke up and realized this trip is right around the corner. For a while, my doubt has been in my Spanish speaking abilities. I've been afraid as to whether or not my choppy, mediocre Spanish will be more of a crutch than a help. Today, I got over that and moved on to something probably much more troublesome. I'm going to work. As an intern. Will I be able to do the tasks that they require of me? Will I be able to help lead a ministry and a youth group? How much will they ask of me? I feel like I must have been deceptive to them and that I'm going to disappoint. I've never led a ministry by myself. I don't have materials or a curriculum to teach from (as it was recently recommended I bring). I don't know if I have the confidence in myself to be a leader in this kind of scenario. I don't want to be a waste of anyone's time and resources. I just wonder how God is planning on using me for this ministry. I'm sick to my stomach and more emotional and frightened right now than I can ever remember being. Because, in most things, there's at least something to fall back on, a way out. Not sure there's a way of 'getting out' of this one if I fail. But as I worry about this, my heart turns back to where it should have been all along. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13. This has been my verse to fall on for my travel and service since my first mission trip in 2006 to Louisiana. It was given to me from a member of my church and hasn't left my wallet since. Now is a good a time as ever to remember it's presence and it's significance. Lastly, as a left work today, with this doubt in my mind about being able to meet these requirements, I was reminded of one of my favorite verses by a song on the radio that had a line from Micah 6:8 in it. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Amen to that. In fear that I've bitten off more than I can chew, this verse is my prayer. That through whatever it is that lies ahead of me, all that God requires of me to walk humbly with Him. Please pray for me, that my heart might find some rest and comfort in this time of self-doubt and uncertainty. Thank you.


3 days. Chile, ya es la hora. Hasta pronto