The Realization.

This trip has been hard. I cannot tell a lie. My heart never quite came around. I’m not in love with this place. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed my time here, and that’s not to say I haven’t contemplated coming back. But, especially if I was to consider coming back, I need to figure out what I actually think about this place. Cause its not all good, and I haven’t been sure why, until now. I was given a couple hours of peace this afternoon in the house, so I pulled out my journals, daily Bible reflections, made charts, ven-diagrams, pros and cons lists, lists of what I’ve done, what I wished I did, who impacted me, who hurt me, etc.

And boom. The realization.

A conversation I had early on in the trip I think gives a helpful illustration as to what I’m talking about. The question came up as to whether or not I’m serving in a 3^rd or 1^st world country. The answer is more complex than one or the other. In the traditional sense, the ‘worlds’ referred to which side you were on during the Cold War. 1^st world= US and allies (democratic). 2^nd world= Soviet Union, China, and allies (Communist). And 3^rd world= not affiliated with either of the previously stated. Chile falls into this category. However, because so many of those countries were poor and under developed, the term has come to mean just that, with first world referring to those who are highly developed. Technically, Chile falls into the first world here. So to answer the original question, yes, I’m serving in a 1^st and 3^rd world country, and this my friends, is a paradox.

Paradoxes. (is that even a word? Brief tangent… ‘Brian, what’s the plural for a paradox?’ ‘Paradoxen. I saw a flock of PARADOXEN!’)

This world that I’ve been living in is just full of these paradoxes. And it kills me. There are goals, meetings, schedules, and people that want to talk with me, but there are no expectations, organization, motivation to be on time, and people here are remarkably poor listeners considering the value that they place on relationships. They are trying to earnestly do be organized and efficient, but their hearts are still on the Latin American time frame, where its okay to be late, it doesn’t matter if things don’t happen, and that whole stereotype. What kills me is the back and forth. I’ve done the ‘relaxed’ life style before during my travel, and I’ve been fine with it. I have mastered the hyper-sensitive schedule making and following at Whitworth while RAing. The problem is some things here are important, some aren’t, and I can’t tell the difference. I have earned the ever so affectionate nickname, ‘pesado’ (the heavy one, and no they don’t actually mean my weight, I don’t think…) in the office because I take things too seriously and am too formal when I shouldn’t be. This critical analysis probably reinforces their case.

Some other paradoxes/‘almosts’ that I’ve experienced are…

-I’ve been here for two months, which is a pretty long time, but actually, its nothing at all. Too short to really accomplish anything major.

-I’m older than the kids I work with, but not old enough to be respected like an adult (and not young enough to be ‘one of them’.

-I’m okay at Spanish, but not great at Spanish.

-I’ve got an okay relationship with God, but its not solid

All of these things are hard on me. I live by my emotions, and I experience my emotions to the fullest. The wishy-washy, back-and-forth, and ‘almosts’ aren’t how I function. I am super content that I have thought all of this out before leaving, so that way I might be able to continue to develop these ideas, and correct what’s false, before I leave.

While this might be a criticism, I don’t mean to say the culture is bad, the point is that I better understand why I don’t fit in here as well as I would like to. Not bad, just different. So don’t stop your jokes or calling me pesado :-)

There have been oodles of wonderful things! In fact, here are a few things I’ve done since my last entry.

We recreated Sofia’s birthday since I missed it. (I absolutely adore this photo because of the uncertainty in her face. I’m gonna hope its uncertainty due to the camera, and not me…)

I went with one of the kids from La Farfana up to the mountains to play in the snow. The mountains were gorgeous. Seriously an unforgettable day. Not due to the snow, or lack there of, but due to the Brazilians throwing up in the van all the way up and down the curvy 11,000ft high road. Classic. Also, fun fact. American tourist spot, the beach. Brazilians, the mountains! I didn’t hear a word of Spanish or English while I was there, just Portuguese! How bizarre. Also (number 2), it was super warm. The sun reflecting off the snow felt so good on my face. Stoked on it being 60 degrees!

Yesterday, I got to watch the kids I work with play soccer against a new team.

La Farfana had its first baptisms at the church.

And I got to be silly with my brother Daniel and other kids at the church. Look at him lovingly throwing a pickax at me!

Lastly, my parents are coming! How about that? Chile is getting ready to welcome Mike and Brenda to the south this Thursday! I’m super excited to work with them and show them around.

Tomorrow, final meetings and packing, Tuesday/Wednesday, back to Iloca, Thursday-Tuesday, parents, Wednesday, Argentina, Friday, fly home, Saturday, home (or at least stateside). I better not blink, or I might miss it all!

That’s all I’ve got for now. Thanks for being a part of my processing as I prepare to finish my time here. And I reiterate to you chilenos, solamente porque no estoy de acuerdo con algunas cosas en la cultura, no significa que es mala! Tampoco que lo que yo pienso tiene que ser la verdad, me encantaria hablar contigo sobre lo que tu piensas!

All over the place

This blog that you are about to read, is one of my favorite types to write, simply because I'm writing it on my iPhone in the back of a car. Classic. On top of it bent a fun blog to write, I have oodles to write about (or should write about, but surely won't get to) because it's been so long since my last entry. As best as I can remember without a calendar, this is what the past two weeks have looked like in the life of, well, me of course! We left the 21st with the new team from California to a Iloca. (we being the two other interns, Jeremy and Megan, church elder David, missionary Brad, and church planter extraordinaire and his daughter Doug and Nikki). 

Iloca is a little pueblo south of Santiago about 5 hours on the coast. They were hit hard by both the earthquake and the tsunamis that followed a couple years ago. The church has been built over 50 houses there since then, and we helped to finish 3 of them. On top of successful projects the new team was hilarious and we had great times laughing and playing together. Plus, Iloca is an absolutely gorgeous place filled with wonderful people. An example of their mentality: the church was there simply doing relief work, and the people asked if they could build a church for them. 

I think that priority shows where their hearts are at. Beautiful. Other cool things about Iloca: I got to help lead worship in Spanish with songs I had never sung before, 

see the most beautiful stars ever, 

go out the country side for pig bbq, 

chase around chickens, 

ride around in the back of a truck, 

go swimming in the extremely cold ocean (remember, it's winter here),

paint on scaffolding that I'm sure was super secure,

get to ride on the bus with Tío David (who is far more hilarious than I would have ever previously guessed), 

get to know my fellow interns as well as Doug and Niki better, and lots of other wonderful things. Worst part about Iloca: we finished our work early, so we left Wednesday instead of Saturday. 

This meant we got to work in a church outside of Santiago called El Monte. Our main project was to tile the sanctuary. I, being unskilled in the field, spent two days breaking apart a concrete sidewalk in order to put in a new sidewalk. 

Example of how my body felt about this, three days later I still couldn't hold a pen, spoon, or anything of the like without shaking. That's all I've got to say about that. I suppose we'll call it a good growing experience. Saturday I got to help lead the classic downtown tour for the team, but before we started, we got to see all of the other churches in Santiago, most of which I hadn't see yet or hear the history behind. 

Awesome to see the growth.  Sunday was a great day spent with my host family. With them being Peruvian, we celebrated Peru's independence day downtown with all the thousands of other Peruvians in Santiago. I ate so much food. Even a cow heart! 

But the most precious part was probably watching baby Sofia be a adorable and whatnot. 

Here's a little video of some of what was mentioned above:

Monday I took for myself and Tuesday I became an electrician and helped to wire La Farfana. Fun new skill set I now posses. Alright, finally, Wednesday. Wednesday we began the trip that we are currently returning from as a I write. The south south before you go to the super south of Chile. Eight hours from Santiago in a city called Lautaro. Part of the ministry I work with is a bible institute and masters program. 

Doug was going down to teach a class and us interns tagged along for the ride. The class was called 'theology of ministry'. Basically covering the differences between Greek and Hebrew cultures in order to understand the old and new covenants better. When we weren't in class, we kept busy. Jeremy and I did a home stay in a house that had twin boys, 3 years old. 

That was hilarious, gross, and a blessing all at the same time. Such a sweet family. Rita and Jorge, Edwardo, and Jorge. We spent time with the pastor and missionaries who are there and went with them to do some home visits. There are several unique things about the south, one of which is that it is heavily populated with natives, called the Mapuche tribe (another 'unique' aspect is the rain, but come on, I think I know my rain)(but seriously, the south really reminded me of western Washington and even Alaska). On Friday, we spent the day east of Lautaro at the foot of an active volcano near the Argentina border at another church. 

This was pretty fantastic to say the least. Saturday was a day that probably defines our time in Lautaro. We bought a lamb. And when you're in the south with a lamb, it means you get to drink the blood before you eat it. Now, I'm with you, this immediately makes me go, 'Why would I ever want to do this???' but it was far more moving than I anticipated. The bible is filled with references to sheep, especially with Christ being called the lamb of God. Christ accepted his fate and died on the cross for us. The lamb, unlike any other animal doesn't make a sound when it's being killed, accepting it's fate to serve as nutrition for us. Killing the lamb and then drinking the blood just got a lot more meaningful. It's already changed communion for me. We literally ate the body and drank the blood. We killed the lamb in the morning, and that's when we drank the blood. They prepare it with a few things right on the spot into something called 'Nache'. 

Here's a video of the whole thing, low quality... sorry... but probably for the better.

It turns into a jelly like substance so you eat it with a spoon as opposed to just drinking it. You drink it with wine as well so that way it doesn't mess with your stomach. And all this before 9am! We went to the last session of our class while the rest of the sheep cooked, and then we had it for lunch. Quite a way to spend our last day in Lautaro. Not to mention I made a couple amazing jokes in Spanish (extremely proud moment for me). 

When we finished, we drove a couple hours north to Los Angeles where there is another church. I fell asleep on the couch watching the Olympics. (ps. I just saw that Murray beat Fed! What!!! I bet the fans what a moment for him and for Britain!) today we went to church, which was basically in the mountains. Afterwards we drove even farther into the mountains into pure native territory. Beautiful. 

It reminded me of Costa Rica, when we hiked through a beautiful valley to a river. Now I'm here, headed back north. So many beautiful places, people, and experiences. Most of which were painfully omitted. But I hope you get the idea! This coming week looks like one of the few 'normal' weeks I have here. How about that? 

Here's another short video of these happy times:

Now, here's what I want to leave you with. Before I left for Iloca, I was eating breakfast with my host mom pulled out her bible and started reading Philippians 4:13 (see first blog to appreciate what this means to me). Then she taught me a beautiful lesson, that went a little something like this: Jesus is like a glass of water. We might know an infinite amount of things about that water. It might now a bunch of science behind it, where it came from, but most importantly, we know that it is healthy and that it is good for us. But what good does all of this knowledge about the water do for us if it is in a glass with us and not in us? We need to be filled with it for it to do any good. Like our relationship with Christ, we might know some things about him, and he might even be with us, but we should be filled with Christ in order to truly receive his love and mercy. Peace my friends.