180 degrees (And no, I don't mean temperature. Its still cold.)

I honestly don't even know where to begin. I may need to write this blog over several days because so much has happened since my previous post. For starters, what a turn around it has been. For good reason, I was super discouraged with my faith, and even being here. I was cold, sick, tired, and without God. I wanted to be home with family and actually get a chance to rest, which is something I've been without for quite some time. I was so serious about leaving that I talked with my supervisor about it and told them I was looking into flights home. She heard me out and acknowledged that it was a complex situation, but still asked that I email and advisers and mentors that I have to get their opinions. In doing so, I began having a lot of great conversations here. And the wheels started turning. I went to have coffee with a friend, and by chance (definitely a God thing), I got to skype with her dad, the director of IAM ministries, and he was full of some great insights. In short, I walked away with the one realization that has turned my trip around completely. I realized I've been focused on myself; that I'm getting school credit, that I'm sick, that I don't like the work, that I'm tired. I'm here in a very unique situation. Most people are here because they choose to. Because they have a connection. Because they are here with their church. Because it is a long term thing and this is their life. True, I did choose this, but with a completely different purpose- to learn about ministry and figure out if this is something I could see myself doing in the future. The moment things got hard, I had an answer to my purpose. 'I am exhausted, I could not do this for the rest of my life, so I might as well go home'. But through my conversations with people that day, it hit me, regardless of my reasons for choosing this place to spend my summer, God as another purpose for me and I am here to serve. I can't believe my heart was so hard to this idea. From the moment I turned my focus back outward, this has been a new experience. And by the grace of God, I was given an unmerited rest. Those conversations happened on a Wednesday, and I didn't work Thursday or Friday because of winter vacation here and one of my advisers being sick. I didn't work Sunday or Monday either because Sunday is my day off and Monday was a holiday. Perfect timing. From Thursday on (my new attitude on), here is what I've done:

Thursday, because I didn't have plans, I wanted to explore. Because my younger brother, Daniel, wasn't doing anything because of winter break, I dragged him along with me to the mall to get lunch. Among other things, we got a 'cajita feliz' (happy little box), otherwise known as a happy meal and ice cream. Needless to say we had a great time. Also, there were beagle puppies in the pet store and I just about took all of them home. That night, the Kallestads, the same friends that I mentioned above, asked me to house sit and take care of their dogs because no one was going to be home. So I started that night. I got to explore the grocery stores and spend some time myself. Perfect timing once again.

Friday, I got up for a meeting that I thought was going to happen at 830, but I missed the memo that it was cancelled. As much as I wanted to sleep, like the classic old me, I appreciated being up early in order to get caught up on things, like writing, and shopping etc. I was able to go home for lunch and spent the afternoon hanging with Danny again.

Saturday. After getting some rest and with my new attitude, I was ready to have a great and busy day. I started by helping with a soccer class at La Farfana at 10. I can't do a whole lot during this because I'm not super talented, but I help shag balls and support the kids. At the end, the kids played a scrimmage. The littlest kid, was goalie, and accidentally gave up a goal. The other kids were yelling at him and he ran off and sat by the fence. So I ran over to him to cheer him up. And, wouldn't you know it, as I'm sitting, I rip my pants completely open in the back. Believe it or not, this was perfect timing, because I'm not sure I would have had to the words to cheer that little boy up. All I told him was that I thought I might have just had some worse luck than him. He just laughed and laughed. I had the other kids come over and apologize and the game continued. I laughed too. Especially since I knew that I wasn't going to be able to get back to change my pants until after youth group that night... 12 hours later. But in the meantime, I got to spend the afternoon with those kids at La Farfana. It's great getting to know them more and more and really have some relationships with them. Also, we got a new, real, ping pong table, which was, and will be, a blast there. Last week, we built a new foosball table, but the ball kept getting stuck in the corners. So Saturday, I made it my mission to fix it. I used cardboard, and some pretty amazing trig/geometry/homemade compass action to keep the game rolling (pun absolutely intended). Anyways, I left to go to youth group, 'Identidad' (Identity) in Oriente. Part of my frustration with my work was how hard its been to develop relationships with these high schoolers, but, wouldn't you know it, showing up with a giant rip in your pants is a great conversation starter! I laughed again. I see it as a God thing. If Got can work through a ripped pair of jeans like he did today, imagine how he can work through me, no matter how faithful I feel! So youth group was good and I was tired from a 12 hour day, but I was told that we were going to someone's house for a barbecue. Little did I know that everyone was going to be there, or that we'd stay there eating, dancing, and socializing until 2. Long day. But once again, I loved the chance to hangout on a low key basis.

Sunday. So by now, I'm understanding the Spanish decently, and I absolutely can understand an entire sermon, but sermons here are long, and listening that long, trying to think through what's actually happening is exhausting even if I can do it. Most of the time I end up missing the point. So I decided to do my own Bible reading during this time, which was far more productive, at least for me. Hopefully I didn't offended anyone. I rested again in the afternoon, and then I went to play soccer with my brother. For forever. 3 n a half hours. Gotta do somethin to stay in shape! (Cept, I did weigh myself today, and, if my calculations are correct, I'm at a 'post thanksgiving' weight. *sigh*. Henry finally might be onto something with those thunder thighs... I guess it might explain the pants too... :-P). Anyways, I'm still sore from that as I write this on Thursday!

Monday, I slept, and tried to get caught up on some journaling. But I ended up getting distracted with something completely random. I was thinking about how All my travel days are on the 22nd during this trip, and then I started looking back, and it turns out that I do a lot of traveling on the 22nd. Then, I kept going, and while not all of them are travel, it was super fun and nostalgic to think back where I've been. Plus, it made me think that no matter how hard of a struggle I'm going through, if history holds, I'm going to moving on within a month. I guess I just like doing stuff. Anyways, here are my findings:


2012
Planned: August 22- Travel to Cordoba, Argentina to visitold friends
Planned: July 21-22- Travel to Iloca, Chile to rebuild tsunami stricken homes
June 21-22- Travel to Santiago, Chile for summer ministry internship
May 20- Traveling in Oregon to watch the baseball regional
April 21- Traveling from Walla Walla, Washington (Tennis Conference) to Spokane, to north Spokane for Small group retreat
March 18-24- Spring Break tennis trip in Orlando, Florida (March 22 Spring Training game)
February 20- Spokane, Washington- Last free weekend before tennis season
January 21- Travel to southern Valencia, Spain to see the rice patty fields

2011
December 22- Day alone re-exploring downtown Olympia, Washington
November 22- Lu-au in Kona, Hawaii
October 22- Dockside in Coeur-d’Alene, Idaho with Parents
September 22- Tennis ITA’s in Walla Walla, Washington
August 20 (twenty eleven)- Early RA campout in the loop at Whitworth- Spokane, WA
July 19- New wide-angle camera lens, Spokane, WA
June 26 (A little bit of a stretch with the date) Day spent mountain biking at Minihaha, Spokane, WA and hiking Mt. Schweitzer Sandpoint, Idaho
May 22- House BBQ to kick off the summer
April 23- Hiking at Bowl and Pitcher with Duvall, Spokane, WA
March 20- Spring Break tennis in Dallas, Texas
February 20- Skiing at 49 degrees north, Chewelah, WA
January 23- Fenton’s in Duvall, Spokane, WA

2010
December 20- Wisdom teeth surgery- Olympia, WA
November 23- Left Spokane, WA at 20 below 0, Arrive in Kona, Hawaii, 85 above
October 19- Fakeout Makeout Primetime, Duvall, Spokane, WA
September 20- Caught my first virgin pinecone, Spokane, WA and got a letter from Dyego! (Cordoba, Argentina)
August 20- Lynden, WA and first time in Canada
July 20- ‘Friends Day’, achieved 1000 facebook photos, Cordoba, Argentina
June 20- Mom visiting me in Spokane, WA before I go to Argentina
May 20- First day of Core 250 summer night class, Spokane, WA
April 21- Tennis Conference in Yakima, WA
March 19- Receive Acceptance letter to be an RA in Duvall and Traveling to Southern California for Tennis
February 21- Rock climbing at Minihaha and Rope swing jump into the Little Spokane River, Spokane, WA
January 19- Dominic’s MLK dinner, Ballard, Spokane, WA
December 23- Epic Powder day skiing at Crystal Mt, WA
November 21- Traveling to Hawaii
October 19- Carved an apple at pumpkin carving primetime, Ballard, Spokane, WA
September 21- Prison Tat primetime, Ballard, Spokane, WA
August 24- Last adventure with High School friends before college to Seattle, WA
July 20- San Jose, Costa Rica
June 21- Father’s Day golf at Indian Summer, Olympia, WA
May 22- Tennis Districts, Sprinker, WA

So that was fun, but let's move on with Monday. I went home and hung out with Danny again. Our mom was gone, and baby Sofie (11 months) was with Michelle, another missionary who often babysits. So we went over there to see them, and the most amazing thing happend. We got to watch her take her first steps! In credible! I was so blessed to be a part of that moment! Here's a short video I took of it :-)

Tuesday. Well, for starters, the previous night was my last night in the Kallestad house, so I wanted to clean. But naturally, with the excitement of Sofie, that got a little bit delayed. And then I skyped, for forever. Which was great, but meant I needed to get up extra early Tuesday to do the cleaning because I was going to spend the entire day with two kids from the church La Farfana and Danny in Viña del Mar and Valparaiso! 

Viña and Valpo are two cities on the coast, directly west of Santiago, about 2 hours by bus. I didn't have anything to do Tuesday due to the winter vacation, so I invited Bryan and Jesús (and Danny of course), to go on an adventure with me! 

We met at 8 and fought through the morning rush hour to get to the bus station and head off. It was beautiful, plus it was the warmest day I've experienced here so far. We walked along the entire waterfront, shopped a bit, and even went in the water! The water was cold, but it was refreshing.

We spent our time in Viña by ourselves, but then in the afternoon, we met up with my friend Arely Garza who is studying there in a summer program like I did in Argentina! Arely has been my Spanish buddy for the past couple of years at Whitworth so it was pretty cool to get to see her there!

She took us to Valpo where we ate some amazing greasy food and got to see the port and the beautiful old neighborhoods on the hill. I had no idea how different the two cities would be! Even though they basically are one unit, Viña is pretty touristy with the beach and newer buildings, while Valpo is the port and has beautiful pastel colored houses on the hill looking over the ocean. Both amazing in their own ways. Here's a quick video of the port.

After so much walking, I has no problem sleeping the entire bus ride back. We had a blast together and it was great to get to know Jesús and Bryan better, as well as see a good friend in a foreign place!

Check out the rest of my photos from the day on my facebook here!

Wednesday. Finally, back to my normal schedule. Bible study in the morning with a missionary named Jake, a meeting with one of my advisers Carlos Ampuero, and an afternoon back at La Farfana! Hard to believe I've finally come full circle! But it has been an amazing week of rest and refocus. Now, I'm looking forward to spending a solid week n a half down south with a new mission team from the States! 

I've read a lot of great scripture in the past week, but this is the one that probably sums it up:

'No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.'

- Hebrews 12:11

God's peace, especially if you read the whole thing, watched the videos, and endured all the typos! :-)

Its that time of the trip

End of week two. I'm right about where I should be during a trip like this. Through the honeymoon stage and really settling in. I’m tired, cold, sick, and overwhelmed.I’ve spent this week adjusting to my ‘normal’ schedule here in Chile now that my friends from Riverside, California are gone. I imagine I’ll take some time eventually to talk about my schedule, but I’ll wait until I really have a grasp on it (For now, you can take a peak at what it looks like. I also have a separate sheet for additional notes).

Now, I want to use this more like a diary entry to talk about what the heck I’m feeling. Its funny, I’ve got 3 journals going already, 1 for my Cert. for ministry credit (entries every other day), one for Spanish credit(entries every other day), and my journal from my quiet time reflection on my daily scripture reading, but even with all of this, I don’t have a true diary place.

What’s on my mind is my own faith. I’ve done so much. I see God working around me, and I even see God working through me directly. I’mdoing so many good things here, especially with the kids. But even so, I get done with the day, and my prayers seem so empty. Last night I went to a prayer group, and I just felt like I was missing God. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve had ‘desert-like’ experiences in my relationship with God, but those are usually attributed to lack of effort and very clear personal errors.But here, while I’m still convinced it must but something along the lines of my heart not being in the right place, but I’m spending everyday in the word, doing Bible studies with other people, serving people in the church, and the list goes on! All I am doing right now is trying to pursue Him. I feel like I need to attribute where I’m at right now to the horrible habits I’ve developed from RAing. I learned how to put on the show, for whatever it maybe. I know how to put on the smile, and do pretty much anything, even if its opposite of what I might be feeling on the inside. I’m nervous now that I might be doing just that with my faith. Just going through the motions, with my actions compartmentalized from emotions. This is so heartbreaking. I want to be on fire for Christ like I’ve felt before. But now I just feel overwhelmed with projects that I’m supposed to do in his name, but don’t feel him by my side. Not to mention I don’t even feel competent enough to do what they’re asking. I will say I am confident that God uses our weaknesses to accomplish his plan, but would like to feel his presence before jumping into these calls. ‘I can do all things through him who gives me strength’. True. I have a list of all the things I need to do; now I just need to find him so that way I can do them through him.

I guess all I can do is keep looking, one day at a time...From today's quite time; Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness." Thanks for reading and more importantly, thanks for your prayers.